Saying Goodbye

Yesterday I miscarried our 7 week, 4 day old baby.  It has been an emotional roller coaster.  But, from what I have heard about miscarriages, mine was not physically difficult comparatively.  I’m thankful for that.

Our emotions range all over the place.  Right now, I’m feeling accepting of this reality.  I’ve been told that I will experience the grieving process just as with any other loss.  From my experience losing my dad, I can say that this is definitely a similar feeling.  It is still a little unreal so far.

I’ve also learned that miscarriage is much more common than I imagined.  So many people (and family) in my acquaintance have gone through this.  The love and support of our friends and family has greatly reduced the sting of this loss.  I know it is going to take time to adjust to this loss.  But, I’m confident that too will pass.  God is still good.  My husband and I will get through this and life will be good.

I’ve been thinking about what I would want to say to my baby, if I had the chance.  My mother-in-law recommended writing a goodbye letter.  And, though difficult, I was finally able to put a few thoughts down.  It feels so…  It definitely doesn’t encompass everything in my heart.  But, God knows my heart and that is enough.

Dear Precious One,

It has only been a couple weeks since Mommy and Daddy first learned that we were blessed with you.  Already, we were looking forward to meeting you, playing with you, and watching you grow up into a lovely lady or a strong young man.  You were with us such a short time, but already we loved you.

You would have loved your big brother and sister.  They are so sweet.  I bet all of you would have had a lot of fun playing and growing up together.

It comforts me to think that you are with your Grandpa and Jesus right now.  I know that my dad (your Grandpa) would be delighted to hold you, love you and spend time with you.  You’ll love his stories.  I look forward to hearing about your adventures when I get to journey home too.

I’m so sad that I didn’t get to meet you, hold you, and cuddle with you.  There are so many things I wanted to teach you.  I looked forward to seeing you learn to crawl, walk, and talk.  My heart aches for what could have been.  But, that’s okay.  If there is one thing I’ve learned, it is to trust God in all things.  I don’t know why you had to leave us so soon.  But, I’m thankful you were in our lives for even such a short while.  Be good precious one.  Mommy loves you and will see you in time.

Hugs and Kisses,

Mommy