Lately, I’ve come to see myself, not as the cute skinny young adult I used to be and still see in my mind’s eye, but as a grown woman who has become very out of touch with her physical well being. A grown woman on the cusp of 30 who is, quite frankly and obviously, fat. It’s embarrassing. It is another one of those things I swore I’d never become. But, it is reality. And for me to be able to grow as a person and change my lifestyle, I have to face my ugly habits, my lack of structure, and the change that has become ME.
It is hard to face reality when it hurts. But, sometimes we have to look ourselves in the mirror and say, “Hey, this is not what I want to be. This is not who I see in my inner eye. But, this is who and what I am right now. Now, what am I going to do about it?” Sometimes we have to reconcile the truth with our perception of who we are and what we do. This is true, not just for our weight, but for many other areas of our lives.
This weekend I had to take pictures of my feet on the scale and a full body shot (front and from the side). I cannot adequately express my mortification of having to take a photo of me in tight fitting clothes for my weight loss competition. But, I’ve faced reality. All 220 lbs and size 20 of it. I have to admit: it sucks.
But, here is what I didn’t expect: it is also liberating. Instead of hiding from my reality, by accepting it for what it is, I’ve neutralized the burden and guilt of it. I can look at myself in the mirror, I can look at my “fat” photos and say, “Hey, that is the woman you once were. Today is a new day. Let’s do something about it.”