I’ve been reflecting on several decisions to be made with regards to my career and goals. As a result, I have been thinking more of my dad than usual, missing his encouragement, wisdom and insight.
A friend of mine, Rebecca Collen, who is also a clinical counselor, has recommended that I write letters to my dad to help process the grief. So, I wrote the following in my journal today:
I wish I could say “I wish it didn’t hurt so badly.” But, that would mean I had loved less, that you had been less. In a weird way, I’m happy through the pain. My pain is a reflection, no, the other side of my joy. Like a coin landing heads down, the pain is facing up while my joy is suppressed. One day the coin will flip again and I will revel in the joy of being your beloved daughter. So, I will forbear. I will walk through the pain until the coin flips again. And I will be thankful for the joy and love on the other side.
Wishing peace and joy to you, dear reader.